6 degrees apart
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Jeremy Clarkson quotes ........
Jeremy Clarkson Quotes:
"I'm sorry but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bitlike having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. Ifyou've got even half a scrotum it's not going to happen."
"We start tonight with the highlight of my childhood. It's the LadybirdBook of Motorcars from 1963 and, as you would imagine, it's full ofrubbish really. Just endless boring grey shapes, until you get to page40, where you find the Maserati 3500 GT. Now this for me, when I was little, was like kind of Jordan and Cameron Diaz. In a bath together.With a Lightning jet fighter. And lots of jelly."
"(About Porsche Cayman S) There are many things I'd rather be doingthan driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stagein a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean"
"The last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the airsaying there will be no war with Germany "
"America: 250 million w****rs living in a country with no word forw****r!"On the Alfa Romeo Brera: "I only have to imagine this in black, with tanleather and I'm nursing a semi!"Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster - "It couldn't pull agreased stick out of a pig's bottom!
"On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "There is a word to describe this car: itbegins with "s" and ends with "t" and its not "soot".
Hammond: "So it's fairly terrible then?"Clarkson: "Oh no...losing your leg is fairly terrible: this is anotherleague of badness!"
"Some say, that he used to throw microwave ovens at homeless people -and that he, long before anyone else, realised that Jade Goody is aracist pig faced waste of blood and organs............all we know, isthat he's called the Stig!"
"The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with anEthiopian transvestite."
"Speed has never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary... that'swhat gets you."
'The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw'
"Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?"
"The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertable was Adolf Hitler"(Fed up during the caravaning trip)
"You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music,you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a campfire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!"
"This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying "Ooh good, I'vegot syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.""(About the Mercedes CLs55)
"Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss."
"I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?"
"I'm sorry but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bitlike having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. Ifyou've got even half a scrotum it's not going to happen."
"We start tonight with the highlight of my childhood. It's the LadybirdBook of Motorcars from 1963 and, as you would imagine, it's full ofrubbish really. Just endless boring grey shapes, until you get to page40, where you find the Maserati 3500 GT. Now this for me, when I was little, was like kind of Jordan and Cameron Diaz. In a bath together.With a Lightning jet fighter. And lots of jelly."
"(About Porsche Cayman S) There are many things I'd rather be doingthan driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stagein a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean"
"The last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the airsaying there will be no war with Germany "
"America: 250 million w****rs living in a country with no word forw****r!"On the Alfa Romeo Brera: "I only have to imagine this in black, with tanleather and I'm nursing a semi!"Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster - "It couldn't pull agreased stick out of a pig's bottom!
"On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "There is a word to describe this car: itbegins with "s" and ends with "t" and its not "soot".
Hammond: "So it's fairly terrible then?"Clarkson: "Oh no...losing your leg is fairly terrible: this is anotherleague of badness!"
"Some say, that he used to throw microwave ovens at homeless people -and that he, long before anyone else, realised that Jade Goody is aracist pig faced waste of blood and organs............all we know, isthat he's called the Stig!"
"The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with anEthiopian transvestite."
"Speed has never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary... that'swhat gets you."
'The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw'
"Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?"
"The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertable was Adolf Hitler"(Fed up during the caravaning trip)
"You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music,you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a campfire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!"
"This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying "Ooh good, I'vegot syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.""(About the Mercedes CLs55)
"Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss."
"I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?"
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