6 degrees apart
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Darwin Awards
Yes, it's that magical time of the year again whenthe Darwin Awards are bestowed, honouring the leastevolved among us. Here then, are the glorious winners:
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire athis intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach,California, would-be robber James Elliot didsomething that can only inspire wonder. He peereddown the barrel and tried the trigger again. Thistime it worked.....And now, the honourable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost afinger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a littleshopping around, submitted a claim to his insurancecompany. The company expecting negligence sent outone of its men to have a look for himself. He triedthe machine and he also lost a finger. The chef'sclaim was approved.
3. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear aspace for his car during a blizzard in Chicagoreturned with his vehicle to find a woman had takenthe space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, aZimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mentalpatients he was supposed to be transporting fromHarare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admithis incompetence, the driver went to a nearby busstop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride.He then delivered the passengers to the mentalhospital, telling the staff that the patients werevery excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. Thedeception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospitalrecovering from serious head wounds received from anoncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries,the lad told police that he was simply trying to seehow close he could get his head to a moving trainbefore he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a$20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. Whenthe clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled agun and asked for all the cash in the register,which the clerk promptly provided. The man took thecash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 billon the counter. The total amount of cash he got fromthe drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at youand gives you money, is a crime committed?)
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer prettybadly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder blockthrough a liquor store window, grab some booze,and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved itover his head at the window. The cinder block bouncedback and hit the would-be thief on the head,knocking him unconscious. The liquor store windowwas made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught onvideotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New Yorkconvenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran.The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman wasable to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher.They put him in the car and drove back to the store.The thief was then taken out of the car and told tostand there for a positive ID. To which he replied,"Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stolethe purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that aman walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan,at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash.The clerk turned him down because he said hecouldn't open the cash register without a foodorder. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerksaid they weren't available for breakfast. The man,frustrated, walked away.
***A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER***
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from amotor home parked on a Seattle street, he got muchmore than he bargained for. Police arrived at thescene to find a very sick man curled up next to amotor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesmansaid that the man admitted to trying to stealgasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motorhome's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of thevehicle declined to press charges, saying that itwas the best laugh he'd ever had.In the interest of bettering human kind pleaseshare these with your friends and family .... unlessof course one of these individuals by chance is adistant relative or long lost friend. In that casebe glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.
****** Remember ... they walk among us! ******
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire athis intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach,California, would-be robber James Elliot didsomething that can only inspire wonder. He peereddown the barrel and tried the trigger again. Thistime it worked.....And now, the honourable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost afinger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a littleshopping around, submitted a claim to his insurancecompany. The company expecting negligence sent outone of its men to have a look for himself. He triedthe machine and he also lost a finger. The chef'sclaim was approved.
3. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear aspace for his car during a blizzard in Chicagoreturned with his vehicle to find a woman had takenthe space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, aZimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mentalpatients he was supposed to be transporting fromHarare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admithis incompetence, the driver went to a nearby busstop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride.He then delivered the passengers to the mentalhospital, telling the staff that the patients werevery excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. Thedeception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospitalrecovering from serious head wounds received from anoncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries,the lad told police that he was simply trying to seehow close he could get his head to a moving trainbefore he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a$20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. Whenthe clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled agun and asked for all the cash in the register,which the clerk promptly provided. The man took thecash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 billon the counter. The total amount of cash he got fromthe drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at youand gives you money, is a crime committed?)
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer prettybadly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder blockthrough a liquor store window, grab some booze,and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved itover his head at the window. The cinder block bouncedback and hit the would-be thief on the head,knocking him unconscious. The liquor store windowwas made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught onvideotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New Yorkconvenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran.The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman wasable to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher.They put him in the car and drove back to the store.The thief was then taken out of the car and told tostand there for a positive ID. To which he replied,"Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stolethe purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that aman walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan,at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash.The clerk turned him down because he said hecouldn't open the cash register without a foodorder. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerksaid they weren't available for breakfast. The man,frustrated, walked away.
***A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER***
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from amotor home parked on a Seattle street, he got muchmore than he bargained for. Police arrived at thescene to find a very sick man curled up next to amotor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesmansaid that the man admitted to trying to stealgasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motorhome's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of thevehicle declined to press charges, saying that itwas the best laugh he'd ever had.In the interest of bettering human kind pleaseshare these with your friends and family .... unlessof course one of these individuals by chance is adistant relative or long lost friend. In that casebe glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.
****** Remember ... they walk among us! ******
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